Ari Rahikkala ([info]ari_rahikkala) wrote,
2008-08-24 22:19:00
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A recapitulation of criticism against the theory of childhood

The theory of childhood, also known as child origin, is a damnable, loathsome and indefensible lie. How can any thinking person suppose all humans used to be babies once? Just consider these arguments:

There is no development path from babies to adults, no transitional forms between these two species. Show me even one baby with the head of a grown man on his body. Can you? No? Not even a bearded toddler? No adults with unfused skullbones, outside unfortunate disorders? Not even a tiny little newborn girl suddenly sprouting a respectable bosom? You can't find them, because they don't exist. There isn't a single transitional form between children and adults, and you will never find one because the theory simply is an unscientific lie.

The development of children has been well-researched in our six-month study following a sample of one thousand children and adults of various ages. We have conclusively proven that while there are minor changes in features like height and body fat, and replacement of deciduous teeth with permanent teeth, incontravertibly still every creature in the study that started out as a child had only slightly more adult features at the end of the observation period than at its beginning. Children and adults are separate kinds and there will never be sufficient changes to change one into the other. We reject any evidence from longer-term studies as we believe the laws of physics have changed within the last year.

To claim people come from children is demeaning and morally degrading. We have observed how children behave. If we acted like small children we'd all be demanding and impatient, and we'd be cheating, lying, and stealing from each other all the time. If the theory of childhood were true there would be no morality, and with no morality to build one on, no society. Childhood is a wicked lie used by charlatans to justify evils such as public schools.

There is no consensus on the theory of childhood in the scientific community. We should teach the controversy. Our children will be served well to learn that the prospect of them becoming adults is merely a theoretical idea. Many children come from families that do not subscribe to the theory of childhood, and they could be disturbed if the theory were taught as fact.

  • 34 comments

[info]xuenay

August 24 2008, 22:27:40 UTC 3 years ago

That was brilliant.
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[info]little_ribbit

August 25 2008, 00:01:30 UTC 3 years ago

Beautiful.
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[info]gryphonavocatio

August 25 2008, 00:09:13 UTC 3 years ago

"We reject any evidence from longer-term studies as we believe the laws of physics have changed within the last year."

Thanks for that line, because that's all I can think of when I hear real arguments like this.
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Anonymous

August 25 2008, 05:09:57 UTC 3 years ago

kiitos

nice work
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[info]thoughtsfromid

August 25 2008, 05:55:17 UTC 3 years ago

Beautiful.
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[info]hectigo

August 25 2008, 09:27:20 UTC 3 years ago

Great writing, indeed. :)
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[info]lordlucan

August 25 2008, 16:53:17 UTC 3 years ago

Nicely done! I just wish I had two heads so I could take two hats off to you! :)
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[info]miizou

August 25 2008, 21:59:27 UTC 3 years ago

Now we only need more creationists to read this as well. =D
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[info]berniemoulins

October 9 2008, 14:52:42 UTC 3 years ago

We need more than change. We need a full-blown turnaround plan and a leader capable of executing it.
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[info]cakoluchiam

August 26 2008, 16:43:22 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  August 26 2008, 16:49:02 UTC

I would like to call into question to the theory of death.
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Anonymous

September 4 2008, 19:45:05 UTC 3 years ago

You are awarded one internets. Congratulations.
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Anonymous

September 6 2008, 00:15:57 UTC 3 years ago

I think theory of childhood is a pretty cool guy. eh satires creationists and doesnt afraid of anything.
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[info]totnesmartin

September 6 2008, 20:25:15 UTC 3 years ago

RW? ;)
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[info]sallymainord

3 years ago

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[info]apathyincarnate

September 6 2008, 08:54:32 UTC 3 years ago

Do you mind if I metaquote that?
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[info]ari_rahikkala

September 6 2008, 12:41:27 UTC 3 years ago

Be my guest :).
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[info]totnesmartin

September 6 2008, 20:25:53 UTC 3 years ago

Mind if I link to the end creationism comm?

[info]ari_rahikkala

September 6 2008, 21:00:52 UTC 3 years ago

Hey, it's the world wide web, linking is what it's about ;).

[info]raikoala

3 years ago

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[info]trinalin

3 years ago

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[info]totnesmartin

3 years ago

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[info]phyxius

3 years ago

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[info]lightning_rose

September 7 2008, 15:42:36 UTC 3 years ago


Most excellent!

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[info]vaecrius

September 8 2008, 04:31:27 UTC 3 years ago

Well played.
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[info]maureenlycaon

September 8 2008, 16:26:08 UTC 3 years ago

You have been Pharyngula'd. (And I join in the chorus of praise for this supernaturally awesome parody.)
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[info]jokermage

September 8 2008, 17:48:35 UTC 3 years ago

Brilliant!
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[info]saint_gasoline

September 9 2008, 00:14:19 UTC 3 years ago

You've officially won the internet. It shall be presented to you by Al Gore next week.
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[info]mandydax

September 9 2008, 04:18:02 UTC 3 years ago Edited:  September 9 2008, 04:18:36 UTC

This is brilliant; well done!

PS: You've been Pharyngulated via the [info]metaquotes comm. :D Congrats!

Edit: bad tags! bad!
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Anonymous

September 9 2008, 10:00:07 UTC 3 years ago

Sauceress

Good stuff!
Have you considered submitting this to Science Creative Quarterly?

Cheers
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[info]ari_rahikkala

September 9 2008, 17:51:45 UTC 3 years ago

Re: Sauceress

I don't believe in submitting things to places ;).

Well, I do, but not a couple of paragraphs I happened to throw out on my blog. The Internet can take care of publishing it (and already has). They're free to run it if they like, and so's everyone else...
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[info]threshar

September 9 2008, 13:31:44 UTC 3 years ago

Thanks for this analogy. I think it is epically perfect!

DOWN WITH CHILDHOOD THEORY!
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[info]catsittingstill

September 10 2008, 16:26:32 UTC 3 years ago

Wow :-)
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[info]volandum

September 10 2008, 21:25:13 UTC 3 years ago

Awesome, added to memories.
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Anonymous

January 13 2009, 18:06:11 UTC 3 years ago

splendid article!

remembers me of the so called "sorites paradoxon" ...
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  • 34 comments
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